Testimony

Current Testimony

Starting in High School, into college and thereafter, I went through a period in which I, largely, neglected my faith. Getting caught up in the world of self-interest and the “worldly” lifestyle around me as I finished High School and continued into College. I always claimed to believe but did very little with that other than to check a box. I would return to the church doorsteps when life knocked me down only to take off again once I was upright.

A few years ago I relocated to a new town in the hopes of finding some type of community. Life after college, for me, turned out to be a very solitary and lonely experience. I chalked it up to merely the ‘college life-real life’ transition that everyone must go through, but was often met by contradicting evidence in those that I met. The seclusion that I experienced didn’t seem to be common among everyone else. My return to faith came as a search for some type of community that eluded me in the 5 years after leaving college. I came to the lord in a spirit of surrender. Having gotten into the socio-political issues of the day and trying to find my place in life, I felt that the Lord took the chance to snap me to attention. God spoke to me through my study of history and modern culture. My understanding of religion, and Christianity, specifically, went through a bit of a transformation. I came to the realization that religion was not something to be viewed as a list of things you can’t do to please God in the hopes of having a good afterlife, but it was what God gave us to experience our best life on Earth. I discovered how pivotal mindset is, and how screwed up mine had become. 

In re-familiarizing myself with the Christian Tenants of my youth, my perspective on life’s purpose was shifted and I adopted a mindset of service. I began seeking out ways to serve and to establish communities of accountability to keep me in the faith and wrestling with my thoughts on faith and purpose that the worldly, largely, avoids at all costs. I’ve had the privilege of serving in many ways since that time and I never feel more “in the place I’m suppose to be” than when I am serving others. This, of course, does not assure anything. Christianity, as far as I can tell, is not as much about Being righteous and more about always striving to be. Not accepting the truth about ourselves as what is, always has been, and always will be. There were 2 big notions that impacted me:

1. “We Are All Sinners.” I’d heard this so often in my life that it was a meaningless platitude. From what I could tell, it was just used as a way to justify crappy behavior. But, with my new set of eyes, I saw this as the only thing that can erase crappy behavior. When I took the time to really understand that man is flawed. God made us, and we failed. We are all fallen and that is the human default; bad. It means that everyone is capable of the worst things imaginable and the fact that we aren’t all the worst versions of ourselves at all times is what’s truly impressive. When I viewed bad as the default position, all of the good in the world seemed that much better and much more inspiring. This notion becomes difficult for parents. It’s impossible to look in the eyes of a newborn and imagine them being anything but perfect. And I should probably clarify that I don’t think bad is the default starting position. But I do think it’s the default path that we are all on without Jesus. 
   
2. “Taking myself out of the center of my life.” I’d long suspected that the love of a parent had a lot to do with people’s understanding of faith and life’s purpose. And, while I still don’t know much about those things at all, the idea of making my life about something other than myself has had a fascinating effect on my mindset. Making my life, my whole life, about others has not only loosened the yolk of life from around my neck, but improved all the areas of myself that I’d tried to fix on my own with no luck. 

Now, these 2 things, alone, didn’t fully mold my thinking, and I will write about some of the others here on the site. But, for sure, these two did a great deal of the heavy lifting. 

And it isn’t to say that coming to a realization about the nature of faith has assured me a trouble-free life. Far from it. In fact, I do not believe that I’d have gotten through the last couple years of life without having gone through the transformation that I did at that time. God gives us what we need, when we need it, if we ask. That’s another one I suppose we should cover. 

And my search for a community continues, but the one thing I can claim about the last 4 years is that I have established a compass. Understanding that my own “wants” and “needs” pale in comparison to what God has planned for me and should always take a back seat to those plans and a search for truth. 

I still wrestle with my faith. There are many things that I struggle with. All of the biggies that have plagued man for millenia, sure; The Problem of Pain, The All Good/Knowing/Powerful God, Freewill…etc. But, on a rational level, none of these questions would lead someone to the conclusion that God doesn’t exist. Merely, that we are incapable of fully understanding his ways; as we are told in the Good Book. 

If we are to rationalize things, everything has a beginning. Something does not come from nothing. A belief in that, in my opinion, requires far more faith than traditional religion demands. 

And if I dispense with the rational and consider my experience with the spiritual, I find even more conviction. 

As far as my testimony goes, it is incomplete. My faith tends to produce more fruit at some times and far less at others. But I am certain there is a path for us provided by our creator. And I believe that seeking that out leads to so much more good than anything else we can do.